Embracing the Shame Wizard

My Journey Away from Toxic Positivity.

The sitcom Big Mouth created by the talented Nick Kroll, Andrew Goldberg, Mark Levin and Jennifer Flackett changed my life.

It helped me visualize my emotions as their own entities, with their own agendas, purposes if you will. 

Through the acknowledgment of each of my own emotions having their own purpose in my life I started to create a feeling base library so that I could identify as soon as possible where in my body I was feeling which emotion.

That was the spark that lit the fuse. 

I’m going to take us back in time, to a younger me (not that long ago) to a time that I wouldn’t allow myself to accept the emotions that I was experiencing. Because, I at the root of it all didn’t feel worthy of having my own opinion – admitting this wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. Finding the right answer felt like solving a riddle between my mind and my gut. Turns out, the body always knows what’s real.

Picking up on the vibe? Now, where in your body is the emotion living?

Younger me used toxic positivity to not feel my feelings, I was so concerned with maintaining a positive image that I wouldn’t allow others, let alone myself the space to express negative emotions. Instead, I’d rush to push towards seeing only the bright side, ignoring very real feelings.

What I didn’t realise then was that this approach was not just unhelpful, but harmful. 

By dismissing negative emotions, I was invalidating my and the experiences of others and denying the opportunity to process feelings. 

I was also missing out on the depth and authenticity that comes from acknowledging the full range of human emotions.

Now, I understand that negative feelings are an essential part of the emotional spectrum and that they play a crucial role in our growth and well-being. 

It’s not about denying these feelings but rather about how we respond to them. By allowing ourselves and others to fully experience and work through negative emotions, we create space for genuine positivity to emerge. 

True positivity doesn’t come from bypassing pain but from moving through it with compassion, acceptance and understanding.

Bringing it back to the Shame Wizard from Big Mouth, narrated by the incredibly talented David Thewlis. 

I understood that my own internal Shame Wizard was behind a lot of my own triggers, but the root of my toxic positivity was a mix of said Shame Wizard protecting my hormone monster. The moment I was able to separate the two, was the moment I began to give love to my Shame Wizard, and thank him for his service and allow the inner work to begin. 

We all have a Shame Wizard, we might not have the luxury of it being narrated by the wonder that is David Thewlis but nevertheless plays a crucial role in our personal journey. 

I invite you to find your Shame Wizard, see what they have to say, separate them from the other emotions they’ve latched on to, and begin to give them love for they have a profound purpose in your life. That purpose is one of the many obstacles in your path to true happiness. 

Hurt people, hurt people, so give yourself a chance to heal the hurt people in you. 

Much love.