How do we get out of a emotional feedback loop?
Anger was an emotion I always feared to let out, afraid that there was some uncontrollable monster waiting to be released to cause chaos and pain to others. So instead I caused pain to myself by bottling it all up.
I got really angry recently, it was something that someone said to me, someone I care deeply about.
A family member, and we all know how often that can happen.
I thought it to be a good opportunity to unpack this experience, and understand deeper what happens on a cellular level, physiologically when we get angry.
Below is a detailed step by step process of what happens in our body when we get angry.
It’s sourced so you can read up about the process if you like.
1. Activation of the Amygdala
The amygdala, a region in the brain associated with emotions, is triggered when we perceive a threat or an injustice. This initiates the “fight or flight” response, which is part of the body’s natural survival mechanism.
Source: “The Emotional Brain” by Joseph LeDoux, a seminal book on how the brain processes emotions.
(We don’t have any Saber-toothed tigers to run from, but our brain associates a threat by our bodily reactions – so if we do not process our traumas everything can be a threat…)
2. Hypothalamus Sends Signals
The hypothalamus, a key regulatory center in the brain, receives signals from the amygdala. It then activates the sympathetic nervous system, which prepares the body for action.
Source: Textbook “Principles of Neural Science” by Eric Kandel.
(That action = tense ass body. Blocks everything up and focuses on survival – not regeneration)
3. Release of Stress Hormones
The hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands (located above the kidneys) to release stress hormones, particularly adrenaline (epinephrine) and cortisol.
- Adrenaline: Increases heart rate, blood pressure, and energy supplies.
- Cortisol: Manages energy by increasing blood sugar levels, suppressing non-essential functions, and influencing the immune response.
Source: “Guyton and Hall Textbook of Medical Physiology.”
(Too much cortisol and we gain weight, we don’t sleep properly – stopping our bodies from functioning at optimal capacity)
4. Cellular Responses
Neurons (nerve cells): Become more active, increasing communication between brain regions to prepare for a rapid response.
Muscle cells: Receive signals to tense up, preparing the body to either confront or escape the perceived threat.
Cardiovascular cells: React to adrenaline, causing the heart to pump faster, which increases blood flow to essential muscles and organs.
Immune cells: Cortisol modulates the immune response, initially boosting it, but prolonged anger can lead to suppression, making the body more susceptible to illness.
Source: Research on the HPA axis and its effects on various body systems (e.g., McEwen, B.S. “Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators”).
5. Neurotransmitter Activity
Neurotransmitters like norepinephrine are released, further enhancing alertness and focus. Dopamine and serotonin levels can also be affected, influencing mood and behaviour.
Source: “Neuroscience: Exploring the Brain” by Bear, Connors, and Paradiso.
6. Metabolic Changes
Cells increase glucose uptake to meet the high energy demands of the body. This ensures that muscles and the brain have the energy they need for a potential fight or flight response.
Source: Research on stress metabolism and glucose regulation (Sapolsky, R.M. “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers”).
7. Feedback Loop
As the body remains in an angry state, it can create a feedback loop where the physiological changes (like increased heart rate) reinforce the feeling of anger, making it harder to calm down.
Source: “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, which discusses how emotional and physiological states interact.
So there you have it – a full breakdown of what exactly happens in your body when you get angry.
Now where do we go from here?
What stood out to me was the Feedback Loop – we must break free from the emotional feedback loop of anger because staying trapped in it amplifies stress, clouds judgment, and damages relationships. Letting go allows clarity, healthier communication, and emotional balance to take the lead.
Anger is necessary, it is a part of all the incredible emotions we have in order to fully experience what it means to be human. We can’t let it take the reigns longer than we need to.
That’s where the feedback loop comes in – it’s going to dictate whether we let anger run over the rest of our day/lives, or we turn to curiosity to get the information that made us angry in the first place.
(That’s why we get angry – to get to know ourselves better, so we can evolve – at least that’s what I believe)
It all starts in our beautiful brain, then moves from our brain to the rest of our body.
We often do not focus on the important fact that our brain is inside our body.
So how do we get out of this feedback loop?
Upon getting angry and reading through this list I recalled my daily practice of meditation – I took a moment to close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths.
Fun fact: Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths taps into your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for calming the body and restoring balance after stress.
I reminded myself that no matter how much something someone else does pains me, or makes me sad it is up to me to feel it and understand why it pained me in the first place.
I wouldn’t have had that change in mindset had I not stopped, taken a breath and asked myself why was I so angry and why did I feel I needed to protect myself.
I like to see anger as little glimmers that show me:
1. How to get to know myself better
2. The parts of myself I have neglected to heal.
To get out of the feedback loop, we must change our mindset.
We often blame our anger on something or someone external.
It’s never really about another person, or something outside of ourselves. Even though it is usually something that someone does or says to us that triggers the anger. Our anger comes from a memory deep inside us that we’ve buried and haven’t healed, still causing us pain. It can also be that we are actually angry at ourselves, a promise we didn’t keep and should’ve. I find the latter to be the hammer on the nail most often.
I’ve learned that a lot of where my anger stems from is the expectations I have of others, and them not meeting the expectations I hold of them.
In truth we cannot expect someone to react in the way we think they should… We can only ask of others that they do the best with the information we give them about what we need.
They are their own person, much like we are our own person.
We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have, and all our tool boxes look different, sound different and are at their core, different.
Our uniqueness is what is so incredibly beautiful about all of us.
Give it a go, and next time something triggers your Anger, where in your body you feel it, and what you need to learn about yourself to heal it.
We have all the answers inside of us, we just need to dig deep with the right questions, unafraid of our ‘dark side’.
When we begin to navigate our ‘dark side’ without shame or fear, that is when our light comes to find us.